The Bottom Shelf Review

 “A hym was sang at your funeral today, I know church wasn’t your thing, but you know your mother.” She tosses a cigarette butt out her car window and makes eye contact with herself in the review mirror. “I didn’t cry, and I took a shot of Fireball for the both of us in the bathroom, like I promised.” She smiles softly, as if Jenna was going to call her back after she hung up. “Well, I am almost back to our place. Ill call again soon.” She hangs up the phone, ending the fourth voicemail she has left for someone that will never pick up.

Lila lays on the ground in her living room, waiting for everything to go back to normal. She stairs at the portraits her and Jenna had painted in an art class of each other from the 8^th grade. The soft pink color brushed across Jenna’s cheeks made her seem even more of an angel than she already was. She turns her head and sees the half embroidered flower market kit that they bought at Michael’s together three months ago. She sits up, and sighs knowing that no matter where she looks, she will always be reminded Jenna isn’t coming home. Lila slumps onto the couch and allows it to engulf her.

***

“The chemo treatments didn’t go as we had hoped.” Dr. Sam pauses for a moment, remembering every time he’s had to say this before, “I’m sorry, but we have tried everything that we can.”

Jenna squeezes Lila’s hand and tears start forming in her eyes.

“No, no, no. Hey it is okay we can fix this.”

“What do you mean? It’s cancer Lila. There is no fix okay?” A waterfall of tears flows from both of the girls.

“I understand that this is extremely hard for the both of you, but you’re expected to have 2 to 4 months left Jenna. I understand how hard of a time this can be and I have many resources for you to use to get help I will include in your discharge papers. Ill be right back.”
The doctor walks down the hallway to the main desk to get everything situated for the girls.

Jenna lays her head in Lilas lap, praying this nightmare would go away while her family swarms. Lilas heart sank seeing Dr. Sam walking toward them again, but this time with the dismissal papers in hand.

***

It’s 7 am and the raindrops are seeping into the entire house. Filling it up top to bottom with water. Lila lets the water come up over her head and she looks around, otherwise motionless. Allowing the weight of her heart to help her sink.

Lila gasps, flinging herself up on the couch where she must have passed out the night before. The bottle of white wine was laying on its side, waiting to be rinsed out and turned into another craft. Lila rubs her eyes and looks around as if the house she had been in for years had somehow changed. She picks up the wine bottle and leaves it in the sink, hitting brew on the coffee pot before dragging herself into the bathroom.

The steam from the shower is creeping down the hallway by the time Lila gets into the shower. She hits shuffle on her playlist and allows the music to take control of what is left of her. The water is turning her skin beet red but Lila sways side to side as if its not happening. She tilts  her head back, allowing the water to clog her ears so everything can be quiet again.

She sits on her bathroom floor, wrapped in a towel and attempts  to brush her hair, asking god why in between every stand of hair passing through the brush. She pried herself off the floor to put on the same clothes she went to bed in. Lila hits the lights and finds herself in the kitchen again. She leans against the island that always knew what the plan was for girls night and stares at the antique lamp her and Jenna had thrifted together. She noticed that the light had fizzled, but she wouldn’t change the bulb.

Lila picks up her phone and calls Jenna.

“Hello?”

Lila hangs up. A man answered. One she has never heard before.

“No, no, no, It’s only been a month. How could they?”Lila throws herself on the floor. Pressing her back into the island, begging it for support.

She wakes up again, realizing this isn’t the first or the last time she will push her body past exhaustion while asking life to be more fair. She makes a glass of water and stares at the lamp.

“I need to get out of here.” Lila sighs while her shaky hands grab her car keys. She slowly reverses out of the driveway, rolling her windows all the way down so she can finally breathe. She drives down Maple street until she finds Pine street, where she makes a right. She pulls up to the same dock that Jenna and her sat on before everything became a nightmare.

The sun was setting but Jenna painted the sky so beautiful that Lila decided to stay. “I can’t believe after all of that, I still lost you. We moved here because of your dreams. We bought the house so you could make your art in your own space. I knew that when that man answered you were gone, but I thought I had more time.” Lila sits on the dock with her face pressing into her legs so hard If anyone was around her they wouldn’t even know what she was saying.

Her tears covered her hoodie sleeves when she got back into the car and her eyes shimmered a brighter green than when they were dry. She starts her Ford Taurus and begins heading back to the house that was once a home. Continuing down the narrow road until she flick her blinker on to turn left back onto Maple. Two headlights approach the back of her car. She notices them getting closer. The red light is reflecting onto the empty road. She looks back in her rearview mirror and sees the car is approaching her still. She takes a deep breath and sinks into her seat without breaking eye contact with the light in front of her this time.

Laying on the cold wet concrete, the red and blue lights begin approaching as EMS workers tell Lila to stay with them. They start an iv on her but she can hear a woman’s voice say her pulse was too weak.

“ The other driver is fine, he is laying on the grass over there! She didn’t have a seatbelt on and got ejected, we have to get her to the hospital now!” The paramedic yells to the police while quickly rolling Lila over to the ambulance. “Come on girl stay with me.” She pleads with Lila. The man is approached by the police officer and asked to step out of the vehicle. The liquor store falls out of the car as he steps out and he was given two new bracelets to prevent him for creating such a catastrophe once more.

Lila can’t help but let a tear shed as Jennas warm arms wrap around her body for the first time since she had passed.

Everyone lined the small towns streets that night, lighting candles for the girls who had died too young while their little yellow house on maple street sat peacefully. Looking in, nothing is to be seen but a vintage lamp softly shining through their living room window.