The Bottom Shelf Review

One after the other, each foot leading me to my destination. One breath, two breaths, follow the path to my destination. A slight chill pushes past me as I open the doors that lead to the outdoors. I glance around, there is a squirrel in the tree, it has a short tail. A red bird flew by, it was almost unrecognizable, a blur. The breeze allowed the trees to dance with a slight sway. The grass fell in many directions, showing that it had been trampled on many times. There are two girls off to my left, smiling as they look down the one girl’s phone, walking my way. I sigh, it is too early for me to be worried already.

“One breath, two breaths. Just get through it.” I mumbled to myself. I took another breath, holding the door for the two girls that have now made it to me.

“Thank you,” they say in unison. My eyes stay trapped on the ground. I nod in acknowledgment, my way of saying you’re welcome. They walk away, whispering and giggling quietly. One foot, two feet, I begin walking away in a hurry. Are they talking about me? My inability to say you’re welcome, the fact that I didn’t look at them. They will gossip won’t they, they think I’m weird, different. I feel tears starting to form in the corner of my eyes. I quickly wipe them away. Only someone pathetic would cry over something so silly. Foot fall after foot fall my mind runs, thinking about what the two girls are talking about. A new sound pulls me out of my thoughts, a new footfall pattern. This one is heavier and faster. I take a deep breath, focusing on the footfalls. My footsteps begin to increase in pace. The new ones are getting closer, I can feel their overwhelming presence. It’s loud, the chill breeze cuts through my hoodie as my breathing gets faster. Closer and closer they get, I can see the person’s shadow now. It’s large when compared to mine. It towers over me, leaving me in darkness.

“Breathe,” I whisper, my voice is shaky, along with my body. I feel adrenaline coursing through my veins. The shadow looms over me, its presence suffocating. My breath hitches in my throat. The darkness of the shadow engulfed me. My heart rate climbed, racing in my chest. The footsteps got louder, the fast pace stayed the same. Danger, Run, Leave, I felt my body telling me. The footsteps were so close I could almost feel them through the pavement that was under my own feet. One step, two steps, lead me to my destination I reminded myself. But my destination no longer mattered. What mattered was the incoming footsteps, the adrenaline that coursed throughout my body, the air escaping my body. The fear clouded my mind, rendering everything else unimportant. I have felt this way before. This is not new. The shadow was towering in front of me now, the sound of the footsteps telling me that the person was right behind me.

“Excuse me,” A man’s voice comes from behind me. Despite being aware of his presence, I jumped slightly at the sound of his voice. He sped past me, and I hoped he didn’t see me get scared. With the weight of the shadow lifted off me, I felt my heart rate start to slow. I released a heavy breath.

“This is ridiculous. Get it together.” I angrily scolded myself. I continued my walk to my destination. One foot, two feet, lead me to a large building. The sheer size of it intimidated me. I took a deep breath, an attempt to prepare myself for what could lie awaiting me inside. Feeling somewhat prepared, I continued my path. I looked around me one more time before opening the door, leaving the chill of the outdoors behind. The soft fabric of my hoodie rubs against my skin. The sun shining through the windows makes my face feel warm. I walk a few more steps into the building. It was bustling with activity, at some point, a woman ran past me, and I ended up with a pamphlet in my hand. The rough edges of the paper cut into me, painful, but a reminder that I had somewhere to go. One breath, two breaths I took as I went to walk through the bustling crowd. I felt a slight jab in my side, someone had bumped into me, most likely it was their elbow. It hurt and I felt the adrenaline begin to rise again. One step, two steps my feet moved on their own, desperate to get someplace safe. My breathing was becoming labored, my footfalls were becoming quicker and unsteady. I need to get out, I thought. I needed to breathe. I wish this feeling was new. I wish that I could walk to my destinations without panic. For now, that was not a luxury that I could afford. My fast pace got me through the crowd with ease, my heart rate still increased, and my breath wavering. I had just a little bit further to go, I was almost there. I took a quick right, fleeing down the hallway, anything to get me away from the crowd that was now behind me.

“Third door on the right” I heard someone talking to themselves. They were headed the same way I was. I was ahead of them, and their footfalls had an even pace. They were not in a hurry, they were not panicked. I think that it must be nice to feel that way. Why can’t I be that way? I glanced behind me, peeking through my long brown hair, the person was a young woman. I returned to look at the path in front of me. I passed the first door on my right; a group of students were huddled inside. I wondered if what they were talking about was gossip or if it was educational. I shook my head slightly; I should not let myself focus on that. It would just cause me useless worry. One step, two steps I was leaving the woman in the dust, my pace much faster than hers. Time moved quickly; I knew I had to get to my destination fast. The professor always started taking attendance five minutes before class started. The second door on the right I passed, the lights were off making it seem eerie. Five more paces before I would make it to the third door on the right. One pace, two pace the adrenaline was still flowing. Three paces, four paces I am close. Five paces, I open the door.

“Harper Robinson,” A nasal voice called out. I felt my face turn beet red. The door was held open behind me, the young woman had caught up.

“Here,” I meekly answered. My hair fell in front of my face. It was embarrassing to almost be late, to have to have my name called out.

“You were almost late,” the nasal voice continued, “Make sure to be here early next time.” My head hung low as I nodded and headed to my seat. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, threatening to fall. I quickly glanced around, looking for my seat. I sigh in frustration when I see that it was taken by the woman who was originally behind me. My friend that I normally sat next to turned to look at me.

“Sorry,” she mouthed. I nodded my head, letting her know that I understood. But underneath that understanding, I felt the adrenaline rush return. My breathing pattern was irregular and my face flushed from the embarrassment of almost being late. I wandered over to the only open seat. It was in the front row, next to someone loud. I internally groaned in frustration, why was my luck so bad? Soon after I sat down, my professor continued, she finished up attendance before she moved on to the lesson of the day. I did not like sitting in the front row, I was farther away from the door. Trapped in this spot, pinned against a wall and a person. There was no escape path.

One breath, two breaths I took to try to calm down. My professor’s nasally voice echoed in the room, sounding like nails on a chalkboard to me. As I tried to tune her out I could almost swear I could hear the faint sound of music. I looked through my curtain of hair to glance at the person next to me. They did not seem to hear the music. It was soft and melodic. Almost unnoticeable and drowned by the sound of the humming of the lights. I quietly slipped out my phone, opening messages to my friend.

“Do you hear music?” I texted her.

“What music?” She replied. Confusion filled my mind, what did she mean by what music? How could she not hear the quiet, peaceful sound of a lyre?

“It’s really faint,” I wrote, “listen for it.”

“Harper,” she responded, “there is nothing there.”

“So I’m hearing things”

“I didn’t say that”

“but if you cant hear it doesn’t that mean I’m hearing things”

“Maybe”

“But..”

“Just focus on the class, maybe the music will go away.” The words she typed were final. I knew she liked to pay attention in class, so I left it at that. But if I was hearing things, did that mean I was losing my mind? Was I finally at my breaking point? I couldn’t be. I had so much more to do. I needed to prove myself. I couldn’t be losing my mind. I could not afford that. One breath, two breaths I took to bring myself out of my head.

The music persisted throughout the whole class period. When the professor finally dismissed us, I walked over to my friend. We always walked back from class together.

“What kind of music were you hearing?” she asked as I approached.

I shrugged, “A lyre, I think. I don’t know instruments well.” She looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

“Was it pretty to listen to?” She replied.

I nodded as she continued packing her stuff so we could walk back to our dorms. “Once you get over the fact that you might be hearing shit, then yea I guess it was.”

She laughed, “I was probably too far away to hear it anyway.” One step, two steps we took in unison. By the time we made it to the main lobby I noticed that all the people that were there earlier had left.

“Hey Maia, where did all the people go that were here before class?” I asked, confused as to how they could all virtually disappear within an hour.

“Oh, they were part of an orientation group.” She shared, “They probably moved to the auditorium or something.”

One step, two steps I heard from behind me. I glanced behind me, but nothing was there. I turned back to Maia, “You know, it would have been nice if you gave me a heads up about the crowd. Kinda left me to my own devices on that one.” I opened the door for us as we walked out of the building. The once chill breeze had now been replaced by the warmth of the sun that was shining through the clouds.

“I know, but I won’t always be with you to warn you about things” she warned. I sighed, I knew she was right. As we continued towards the main building that our dorms were in she kept rambling on about all the things she did over the weekend. I added bits and pieces of my input when it was required. Her constant chatting and presence were always calming to me. I smiled at her, she was something I could never be.

“What are you smiling at?” she teased.

“Oh, I don’t know” I laughed. She huffed quietly before we both busted out in loud laughter. Maia was someone I could count on, even if I was jealous of her ability to appear normal. We were two steps away from entering the main building when a strong smell hit our noses.

Maia turned to look at me before exclaiming, “French fries, French fries”

“I’m not that hungry, I think I might head upstairs to get some work done,” I explained. She frowned but nodded as we headed in our separate directions. One breath, two breaths I took as I headed up the stairs. I felt my heart rate climb a bit, although this time I didn’t know if it was from the stairs or anxiety. One step, two steps, I reminded myself again. I swiped my key card against a reader. It buzzed and the light turned green, letting me know the door was unlocked. I took a deep breath and opened the door, walking through it and turning to the right. I was headed to another door that led into a long hallway. I did not enjoy staying in the hallway for a long time. One step, two steps my pace quickened, getting me to the door. I opened it and took a few steps before stopping next to a door on my left. I took a sigh of relief as I opened that door. The door that leads into my room. It was quiet and dark. Something that I found peaceful. I walked in and closed the door behind me before settling down at my desk. I pulled out my laptop, humming to myself softly. I pulled up a document to begin writing the notes that I could not focus on in class.

My nose began to twitch, the lingering smell of French fries had turned into something rancid and burnt. I got up to open my door, but then the smell was gone. I sat back down, confused and concerned. Maybe I was hearing things and smelling things now. As I continued writing the notes, the smell came back. It was stronger and suffocating. That was when I heard footsteps again. They were heavy. One step, two steps. One step, two steps. Silence. One step, two steps. It continued. I got up to check but when I opened the door, no one was there. Once I closed the door and headed back to my desk, the footsteps started up again.

One, two. One, two. One, two.

Silence.

One, two. One, two. One, two.

Nothing.

I felt my heart rate climb. Something was there. I knew it, I felt it. Something was there and it was out to get me. Why could other people not hear it?

I saw a shadow from under my door. But there was silence. No footsteps. Then the shadow was gone. As if it never existed in the first place.

One, two.

One, two.

It felt like my head was on fire. What was happening?

One, two.

One, two.

I counted. It was continuous. Never ending.

I tasted salt in my mouth. The trace of tears running down my face that I was not aware of. It was bitter. The footsteps continued, one after the other, each foot leading me to my downfall.